How To Become Congruent For Success!

A small conversation about congruence….

Mj IChange: I’m thinking about a word I have come across from many people lately, and it has been used by them without them knowing its specific definition for the context it has been most often used. Let me clarify for you… Congruence = Alignment of identity, beliefs and values, capabilities and behaviour. Being in rapport with oneself

Nicholas Finnegan: My personal definition is having all your resources (on all levels) in line with your desires! All your resources fully working with your desires to bring about the results you want in life in any given situation – smoothness, stream-lined, congruence.

Incongruence is like turbulence on a plane!

It’s a powerful word isn’t it? One of my favs lol! Bringing all conscious and unconscious resources into alignment Don’t you just love personal development lol!

Mj IChange: This is why I first found interest Nic, its knowing all the small chunks that make up the whole picture of us as human beings.
I do admire your definition though Nic, although Im not too sure on the turbulence metaphor, care to enlighten me further?

Nicholas Finnegan: Sure! I totally agree with your definition. When I said resources I meant unconscious resources (beliefs, feelings, thoughts, self image etc…) and conscious resources (behaviours, decisions, ideas etc…) all working together to create your desired result.

In other words, if you desire to approach a group of people with the goal in mind to have fun, create rapport, excitement and close. You are congruent by virtue of the fact that your conscious desires and your unconscious resources are working in-line ‘together’ to produce the outcomes you want.

Congruency ‘rapport with oneself’ as you called it.

My turbulence statement was a metaphor, meaning that your unconscious and conscious minds are not working congruently, so there’s in-congruence, ‘turbulence’ or argument between what you consciously desire and how your unconscious is responding….

Once these two are Aligned, depending on the situation, you become congruent.

Another example would be wanting to approach a woman but feeling scared. You consciously want to approach, but your unconscious is bringing up anxious signals. That’s incongruence.

If you want to approach a woman, and automatically you feel secure, confident and calm (in response to what you consciously desire), you become congruent in your approach….

What you want, is easily accessible by you, in any given situation.

To me that’s congruence.

I like your definition, straight to the point. But I’m sure there are many ways to describe it. Wouldn’t you agree?

Mj IChange: I think we just battoned down the hatches on that one me fellow sea dweller
Thanks for the clarification.

Nicholas Finnegan: ey ey mee matey!! All aboard the seven see’s yarrrhh lol! Nice one my brother!

In a nutshell: Congruence is when you consciously want something that your mind automatically helps you to attain. Your decisions, actions, emotions and beliefs all work together to manifest your deepest desires.

‘In rapport with oneself’ = Congruency!

See ya later,

Nick

To bring your conscious and unconscious resources in line together go: Here…

What Really Makes You Feel Good??

There are three types of ways people use to feel good about themselves.

The first is that they do active things to feel good. Such as skiing, music, art, writing… etc…

The second is they recognize things within themselves that makes them feel good. Example, ideas, beliefs, qualities – what makes you up as a person (self appreciation) etc…

The third is using other peoples opinions to feel good. I have this, look at me, look what I can do etc..

The best ones to use are the pro-active ways to feel good; and the deep qualities within yourself that you recognise makes you feel good (self appreciation of who you are).

The third one is based on external reliance because if you didn’t have these things, if you didn’t look a certain way, if people didn’t like what you have, then you wouldn’t have anything!

You become reliant on what other people think instead of being your own personal resource of feeling good about yourself!

If you have to rely on somebody else’s opinion to make you feel good, sexy, intelligent, smart, worthy… or if you have to rely on what somebody else created to make you feel good, or what somebody has (that you need) to make you feel good, then unfortunately you lack the ability to make yourself feel good about yourself!

Personal power comes from finding whatever you need WITHIN yourself!

Your I-pod sucks! Nobody cares about what you look like! Anybody can do that, you ain’t that special! Keep on dreaming buddy!! Nobody gives a damn about what clothes labels you have!

If any of these comments stunt your growth (or make you angry) notice you are relying on something outside of yourself to keep yourself secure, instead of relying on something more powerful that comes from within!

Love my bum!

P.S. If you don’t care about what I think, at least (take a moment to) care about how you think about yourself as a person.

Peace! ☺

Go here for more…
http://www.nicholasfinnegan.com/

A Profound Understanding!‏

Two realms of understanding – that I have discovered which cause a balance!

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I do not judge you, I seek understanding, If you don’t agree with something, it’s ok for you to regard it as shit, but I won’t!

It’s ok for you to judge me, you do not need to seek understanding, I will not judge anything you say or do, I will seek to understand you!

—

Read this to uncover it’s mystery… unveil the deep balance that this understanding holds, granted that you’ll reveal the powerful balance that resides inside of you…

Until next time, see you again,

Nicholas Finnegan

Warning! Explicit Language and Intimidation….

Hello,

How’s it going ? Today I would like to share with you a post that was posted on a forum from a guy who had a very intimidating experience with some drunk men on a Saturday night.

.. This was a great opportunity for me to help someone so I decided to offer him some advice…

The following conversation is mainly about confidence and the difference between ‘arrogance’ .. passiveness and REAL self confidence. Only 98% of the world even knows about this…

Here it goes…

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Posted by *Stephen2009*

Title: Intimidation story

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Three guys were walking down the street and I pass through them.

One of them said: “F*cking idiot”

I stopped and turned around and said: “what?”, knowing exactly what he said

He came up to me and said: “What’s your problem?”

Holding eye contact I said: “what are you on about?”

Him:” f***ing prick”
then he walked back to his other larger louts

I stood there just went: “p*ss off old man”
and walked off

I believe that was the confident way because I stood my ground and yet I was not threatening myself.

You got to be submissive when you know they are going to fight espeially when they are drunk.

———————–

*From Anom 2*

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Except that you went down to their level.

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Original poster *Stephen2009*:

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Are you referring to the name calling I did?

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Nicholas:

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Hello *Stephen2009*

It’s not important about what you said, it’s more important to recognise how you felt when you stuck up for yourself.

If you felt like you were picking a fight, that would be arrogance… If you felt like you were being violated… that would be passiveness… but if you felt like you were calm and congruent in your approach to protect your self respect, and it felt like the best thing to do at the time; as long as it’s set into your daily morals as a human being…

It may have been ok, but you can only judge this for yourself…

Just remember that arrogance is a sign of low self confidence too, because arrogance is an act…

Real confidence is held within yourself as a human being, because you ALREADY ARE a confidence person, you don’t need to show it off to others because you are ‘already’ confident. Make sense?

Don’t ask peoples opinions because they don’t know how it felt at the time, use your own ‘logical reasoning’ to determine if it personally fits with you… and you can also adjust and be flexible to try on new ideas and beliefs.

Look: This is most powerful confidence there is … ‘choice’… because it’s not influenced or drained out by the external world or other peoples negative jargon.

Instead, you become totally secure within your ability to walk through the world and feel confident within your ’self’ no matter what – or whatever happens.

If you feel confident within yourself to ignore negative statements from people completely, then you have ‘True’ confidence.

Why? Because it’s Not passiveness, it’s Not arrogance.. but secure self confidence… that is NEVER broken by external influences or other people.

Your Confidence becomes Your Own! Unshaken and Unstirred.

So the moment that person can get to you, is the very moment you have lost. So stay ABOVE all that and stay secure within yourself… Become calm and congruent!

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*Original poster *Stephen2009*

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Hay Nicholas,

that was some awesome advice.

I certainly wasn’t looking for a fight but I didn’t want to be passive so I thought if I still stood my ground then that would be the best.

I have certainly seen a clearly view of what confidence is after what you say:

You’re not trying to let people know your confident, but just knowing to yourself is.

It’s all about how you feel and what you think and sod the rest.

I like you hypnosis a lot I have already posted a review for you in your post.

(*The following post is the review he posted on my thread*:)

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*Stephen2009*

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Hay Nicholas,

I would strongly advise everyone to get this because it is very relaxing. Everytime I use it (in bed) I never toss and turn like i usually do because I am relaxed. When your relaxed the positive comments are more potent: they sink in to your subconscious and stay there.

It s the best MP3 I have got, so far Wink*

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Nicholas:

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Thanks *Stephen2009*. That means alot. I wish you the very best of luck in all your confident pursuits and future strengths. Cheers

-End

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I hope this wasn’t too long for you to read… there are some good nuggets in there that you can use to start cultivating the right attitudes and beliefs to becoming a more confident person.

Remember: Confidence is about having ‘choice’ – the ability to respond to challenging situations however you want to with a calm congruency. And having that ability to make decisions – and ’stick to them’ – towards the pursuit of your goals.

For the opportunity to learn more about this go here

Thanks for taking the time to read this email. I really ‘do’ believe that all human beings have the hidden power inside of them to feel and live up to what their dreams are made up of…

The Key is to un-tap this natural abundant resource inside of you, to feel it in every fibre of your being…

….and your life…

Enjoy the rest of your day…

To Peace, Love and Power,

Nicholas Finnegan

I threw up today! :(

Hello,

Today I would like to talk about friendship…

Something happened to me today that almost caused me to physically throw up.

Let me explain this to you…

Me and a very good friend of mine have known each other for nearly two years. Alot of these two years have been spent sharing ideas, laughing together, hanging out and enjoying each others company and having fun.

I would say that she has probably been one of the bestest friends that I’ve ever had, and as you probably know, good friends are not very easy to come by.

Today we had an argument…

Alot of this argument was caused by confusion… not being able to understand each other in the ways we could have. Alot of mis-communication, mis-understandings and me finding it very difficult to explain myself and the situation for us to come to some sort of an agreement.

Allot of the friendships and/or relationships we have in our lives are based upon us growing to understand each other and working through the pain, especially if the pain is only temporary…

Well… needless to say… and very unfortunately… our 2 year long friendship came to a screeching end a few moments ago when she decided that she wanted nothing at all to do with me.

She cut me off facebook, won’t reply to my textes and may have changed her number.

Now… how could after two years of fun, laughter and love with someone be thrown away like that over one single argument?

Well personally I don’t know….

But this has made me physically sick today!

Knowing that 98% of our friendship was spent on us growing closer to each other.

That 98% of that time was spent on us sharing positive experiences and connecting together…

And the fact that someone was willing to throw all that away, all the positive experiences, all the love, all the laughter, all the connecting, all the sharing, all the caring… they would just throw all that away over one argument that lasted a few hours…?

This did make me sick, hurt and betrayed! And she promised that we’d be friends forever! :-\

Well here’s my point to this email…

If someone is not willing to stick by you when your tearing yourself apart, when your very angry at them, when your going through pain, when your so frustrated that all you can do is curse…

when someone isn’t willing to hold onto your friendship despite these arguments…

And if they are willing to throw away 98% of your friendship in exchange for 2% pain that could be sorted out through talking and/or compromising… then maybe that person really wasn’t your friend at all.

I hope you have been able to take something from this email. And I hope I didn’t startle you with what happened to me today.

I am meaning the most positive intentions by sending you this email. With hope that you will appreciate your friendships, appreciate those who stick by you and compromise with your friends if they ever seem troubled or disoriented.

It isn’t worth throwing away love, fun, laughter and all the positive memories you’ve shared over something negative that could be sorted out if only we would compromise and appreciate each other more.

To love and friendship,

Nicholas Finnegan